What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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