It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize