i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
