my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
