$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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