At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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