This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
