Sry I called you an 8
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
