i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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