He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
