do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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