i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
