he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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