I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
