Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
