whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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