: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
