so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
