Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
