Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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