with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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