I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
