Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
