The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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