You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
