Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
