I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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