You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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