i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
