i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
