Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
