shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
