turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
