I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
