put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
smell my finger.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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