he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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