i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
