I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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