Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need water and some morals
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
