Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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