How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
