That's intense
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
