Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
