its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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