I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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