i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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