You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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