I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
