No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
