one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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