last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it because I queefed?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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