I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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