It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
