she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
