A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
