I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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