I will die if light touches me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
