I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize