I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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