Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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