Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
