2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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