Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize