And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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