First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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