then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
