the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
