when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i out mim tonsoeep
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
