mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
