Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
