I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize