at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
