I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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