Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
